Weekly world news

Weekly world news var en tulleavis som kom ut første gang i 1979 og ble lagt ned i fjor sommer. Det var alltid minst en sann historie i avisen, men avisen nektet alltid å fortelle hvilken. Den kunne kjøpes i amerikanske supermarkeder og kiosker, mens den ble solgt på platebutikker og bokhandlere i Europa. Avisen var ren underholdning og skrev siste nytt om Loch ness monsteret, ufoer, Elvis (som selvsagt ennå er i live i følge avisen), og de mest fantastiske konspirasjonsteorier du kan tenke deg. Jeg abonnerte på avisen et halvt år for femten år siden og det var alltid dagens høydepunkt i kollektivet jeg bodde i da når avisen kom i posten og vi leste høyt fra den og holdt på å le oss ihjel.

Min favoritt i avisen var den ukentlige spalten "Dear Dotti". Det var en typisk gi råd spalte som det er i ukeblader, der en dame gir råd angående det meste til leserne. Somregel er det en hyggelig og hjelpsom tone i sånne spalter, men Dotti derimot var dønn ærlig og viste de som vågde å spørre henne om råd hvor skapet skulle stå. Utrolig selvsikker og særdeles krass var hun og det var utrolig morsomt å lese! Her er ett par eksempel;

Fourth time is no charm for bad-news bride's parents!

Dear Dotti: I'm getting married again. But my folks say they're not going to pay for the wedding! It's not fair! It wasn't my fault that my first husband turned out to be a stupid jerk who didn't have two nickels to rub together and ran off with a showgirl. And it certainly wasn't my idea that my second husband refinanced my parents' home with a guy he barely knew who worked at the bank. My third husband thought he was doing my parents a favor by selling their TV and all their furniture and giving them some of the money. The judge dismissed all the charges against all three of my husbands, so why do my parents still hold it against me? -- Always the Bride in Chicago

Dear Always: If stupidity were a handicap, you'd have the best parking spot. You can get married as many times as you want. Just don't expect anyone else to foot the bill

My family is too fat to fly!

Dear Dotti: When my family and I tried to go on our annual vacation to Hershey, Pa., the pilot told us we had to get off the plane! They said that my husband, our two sons and I were grossly overweight and that they would not attempt to fly with us on the plane. We each paid for our two seats and if they're worried about us blocking the exits then they ought to make larger exits. I want to sue them, do you think I have a case? I believe I have the law on my side. -- Big Boned in Little Rock

Dear Big Boned: There are two laws working against you: The law of physics and the law of gravity. Take a train next time. A freight train.